I'm on a diet...my girls and I are going to eat healthy for 30 days. Cut out the sugar, the carbs...if you're a woman, you know the drill.
Last night, I dreamt about Fruit Loops and I don't like Fruit Loops; however, they contain sugar and lots of it. In my dream, I was holding a big ass bowl filled to the rim with Fruit Loops. I told my youngest daughter about my dream an all she could say was, really mom? Fruit Loops? There are better cereals to dream about, like Count Chocula or Captain Crunch. Huh? Everyone knows Captain Crunch wreaks havoc on the roof of your mouth...nope, it's Fruit Loops.
So, we go out to eat at Applebees. They have a HeartSmart menu, and the girls and I agree to order off of the HeartSmart menu. We high five each other in the car on the way to symbolize we're all in this together. No carbs. No empty calories. No sugar. We even butt tap, like they do after a football game...we can do this!
We sit down and look at the menu, order a Diet Coke (people, I'm from the 80's when TAB was the IT diet soda...tons of money will be saved on embalming me someday, now is not the time to quit). The waitress comes along and looks at my oldest daughter...who, before I know it, orders a cheeseburger and fries. DID WE NOT JUST BOND IN THE CAR? I mean, we high-fived, and butt tapped to seal the deal of sisterhood here. My youngest daughter, by now is not only ordering fettucini alfredo with BREAD STICKS for Pete's Sake, she's also eyeing the desert menu.
By now, I'm clearly glaring at them with the serious glare, they know only too well. I'm determined not to make a scene. My oldest daughter shrugs her shoulders and smiles at me like she's asking me a question, but too chicken to actually say it. Moooooommmm...this is APPLEBEES she whispers!
Wow. I'll take the ginger/rice/shrimp dinner that has 580 calories, I say. Not wanting to ruin the moment...and my girls clearly wanting to change the subject...the waitress brings bread sticks. Before I can form the word NOOOO....they reach in. I know, right? Which they both say in unison. I now call them the traitor twins.
I whisper to them....are we not dieting? Girls, you know I'm dreaming about mint chocolate chip ice cream and Fruit Loops....I haven't felt this betrayed since I was 16 and my brother taunted me by eating stacks of Oreo's like they were M&Ms...cruel.
The waitress finally comes out...boring rice and veggies? I lift a finger..here. She sets the cheeseburger and fries in front of my oldest daughter and fettucini in front of my youngest...not a glimmer of guilt, in fact, quite the opposite..they even guard their plate.
I don't know how you girls sleep at night..I really don't.. We HIGH-FIVED to seal the deal in the spirit of dieting together.
They can't hear me, or by now, they know how to block out Mom babble..."Mom, you want some of my fries.?
YES!
That went well, I think.
Mom glare..
Last night, I dreamt about Fruit Loops and I don't like Fruit Loops; however, they contain sugar and lots of it. In my dream, I was holding a big ass bowl filled to the rim with Fruit Loops. I told my youngest daughter about my dream an all she could say was, really mom? Fruit Loops? There are better cereals to dream about, like Count Chocula or Captain Crunch. Huh? Everyone knows Captain Crunch wreaks havoc on the roof of your mouth...nope, it's Fruit Loops.
So, we go out to eat at Applebees. They have a HeartSmart menu, and the girls and I agree to order off of the HeartSmart menu. We high five each other in the car on the way to symbolize we're all in this together. No carbs. No empty calories. No sugar. We even butt tap, like they do after a football game...we can do this!
We sit down and look at the menu, order a Diet Coke (people, I'm from the 80's when TAB was the IT diet soda...tons of money will be saved on embalming me someday, now is not the time to quit). The waitress comes along and looks at my oldest daughter...who, before I know it, orders a cheeseburger and fries. DID WE NOT JUST BOND IN THE CAR? I mean, we high-fived, and butt tapped to seal the deal of sisterhood here. My youngest daughter, by now is not only ordering fettucini alfredo with BREAD STICKS for Pete's Sake, she's also eyeing the desert menu.
By now, I'm clearly glaring at them with the serious glare, they know only too well. I'm determined not to make a scene. My oldest daughter shrugs her shoulders and smiles at me like she's asking me a question, but too chicken to actually say it. Moooooommmm...this is APPLEBEES she whispers!
Wow. I'll take the ginger/rice/shrimp dinner that has 580 calories, I say. Not wanting to ruin the moment...and my girls clearly wanting to change the subject...the waitress brings bread sticks. Before I can form the word NOOOO....they reach in. I know, right? Which they both say in unison. I now call them the traitor twins.
I whisper to them....are we not dieting? Girls, you know I'm dreaming about mint chocolate chip ice cream and Fruit Loops....I haven't felt this betrayed since I was 16 and my brother taunted me by eating stacks of Oreo's like they were M&Ms...cruel.
The waitress finally comes out...boring rice and veggies? I lift a finger..here. She sets the cheeseburger and fries in front of my oldest daughter and fettucini in front of my youngest...not a glimmer of guilt, in fact, quite the opposite..they even guard their plate.
I don't know how you girls sleep at night..I really don't.. We HIGH-FIVED to seal the deal in the spirit of dieting together.
They can't hear me, or by now, they know how to block out Mom babble..."Mom, you want some of my fries.?
YES!
That went well, I think.
Mom glare..
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