Never Give Up, Always Move Forward
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Everything Happens For A Reason: What is Heaven? Do You Believe in Near Death Expe...
Everything Happens For A Reason: What is Heaven? Do You Believe in Near Death Expe...: "'What is heaven?' A good question posed by my 8-year-old and which definitely multiplied the frown lines on my forehead two-fold strug..."
What is Heaven? Do You Believe in Near Death Experiences?
"What is heaven?" A good question posed by my 8-year-old and which definitely multiplied the frown lines on my forehead two-fold struggling for an answer. All I came up with, at that time, was a vague "It's the most peaceful place, where there is no pain or suffering, only joy and love." That answer may have been good enough to tide over that conversation, but it did set me to thinking as I am sure it has for all of you. It's a tough subject, and if we had an opportunity to visit heaven like mile-marker on the freeway, maybe we'd have some concrete evidence to submit a definition to Wiki; however, that's simply not possible.
There is scientific evidence that speaks to near death experiences and conclusions drawn from that which land either on the "scientific side" (i.e., clinical documented reasons for our brain to emit synapses or signals that demistyfies what near death experiences are) OR, we simply choose to believe that those near death experiences are truly, indeed, a person's "glimpse" into a journey to...heaven.
I guess you have to ask yourself, which end of the spectrum you fall on? Do you believe that heaven exists or, that our brain simply sends out signals at the last moments of life that may "look like heaven"?
To be more specific, near death experiences are explained to be based on emotions (those feelings that virtually everyone has, but few understand). In this case, we focus on memory and brain processing and how emotions play a role in near death experiences. In case you are new to this subject matter, a near death experience is simply what a person haas experienced when they have died or experience imminent life threatening event and subsequently came back to life.
Many times, emotions operate on a subconscious level and we are only consciously aware of them by extreme situations (an operation of the pons, in the brain). During sleep or periods of unconsciousness, information is sent to portions of the cerebral cortex and saved (like the hard drive of your computer). A primary function of emotions in the cortex helps us to organize, store and access information in the brain.
If you saw the movie, "Dragonfly" with Kevin Costner, you already know that he and his wife were physicians in the same hospital. In the movie, Kevin Costner's wife had volunteered in a third-world country as a physician, and was presumed dead after an accident. Her pediatric patients on the oncology ward were repeatedly experiencing connections with her during periods of sleep, unconsciousness or imminent life-threatening events where they came back to life to pass this on to her husband..with a message. It's an interesting movie on many levels and leaves probably more questions than answers to the subject of near death experiences.
Here is a quote from one who experienced a near death event which I think is very true:
Yes, I understood from the experience that it's the love we feel when we're alive that
we take with us...the only regrets we have, are the love we hold back.
Each of us, as a human being, is a very, very special person. After all, we all begin life by winning the first race of our life... a race against more than 20 million other sperm cells. This, alone, means each of us is literally "one in a million." There is, therefore, more to humanity than meets the eye. Beyond our own visual reality, there exists a higher reality where our true self resides...it's not a mystery, it lies within each of us.
So, back to the question...where is heaven? Is it up in the sky somewhere? From the beginning of humanity, humans have searched for the answer to this question...movies have been made, songs written, books published...all of which suggest that searching for heaven is like searching for an illusion. Or is it? Maybe the answer is so easy to find, we just make the question so difficult?
Religious figures such as Jesus and Buddha help humanity understand that "love is the way to heaven" and that this "heaven is found within."
The religious consensus is that there exists a total of "10 realms" that make up the spirit world. Physicists, using some theory called "SuperString" calculate the universe is made up of 10-dimensional. They say these dimensions exist in the same space as the physical universe..like boxes within a box. Each individual has to draw their own conclusion on where heaven is, but I think those who have experienced near death certainly have a lot to say about the topic. Let me also say that not everyone who has experienced a near death experience has immediate recall of the experience. For whatever reason, it may not be remembered until years later if ever.
Experiencing a near death event is often referred to as a step into the spiritual condition we have been building within ourselves our entire life. It is a life of love that leads to heaven. Love is God's paradise for humanity and we can create this paradise from heaven, on Earth, within us if we learn to love one another.
Those who know me well know I talk about love and unconditional love often. I think there is a difference between simply "doing good deeds" and the amount of love we have the capacity to give. When we truly love...without hesitation or second thought, our thoughts and actions become one and more based on our true intentions. In most cases, in our daily lives, we don't focus, every day, on getting to the "core" of our souls.
When my step-father passed away, I had a vivid dream where he was in a place that had endless rooms of trophy mounts and comfortable chairs, with vibrant colors and huge doors. I suspect it was my subconscious on over-drive trying to place where he might be so far away from me. It struck me then, we are merely visitors on this Earth and that heaven is our real home. So far apart from each other, yet so close, in away in that the love of God, in heaven, is like the air we breathe on Earth.
Maybe, then, our goal should not be so much to identify where is heaven, but to bring heaven to Earth? Maybe there is a reason, too, why not everyone experiences a near death event. Perhaps too many glimpses of heaven might destroy our freedom.
There is scientific evidence that speaks to near death experiences and conclusions drawn from that which land either on the "scientific side" (i.e., clinical documented reasons for our brain to emit synapses or signals that demistyfies what near death experiences are) OR, we simply choose to believe that those near death experiences are truly, indeed, a person's "glimpse" into a journey to...heaven.
I guess you have to ask yourself, which end of the spectrum you fall on? Do you believe that heaven exists or, that our brain simply sends out signals at the last moments of life that may "look like heaven"?
To be more specific, near death experiences are explained to be based on emotions (those feelings that virtually everyone has, but few understand). In this case, we focus on memory and brain processing and how emotions play a role in near death experiences. In case you are new to this subject matter, a near death experience is simply what a person haas experienced when they have died or experience imminent life threatening event and subsequently came back to life.
Many times, emotions operate on a subconscious level and we are only consciously aware of them by extreme situations (an operation of the pons, in the brain). During sleep or periods of unconsciousness, information is sent to portions of the cerebral cortex and saved (like the hard drive of your computer). A primary function of emotions in the cortex helps us to organize, store and access information in the brain.
If you saw the movie, "Dragonfly" with Kevin Costner, you already know that he and his wife were physicians in the same hospital. In the movie, Kevin Costner's wife had volunteered in a third-world country as a physician, and was presumed dead after an accident. Her pediatric patients on the oncology ward were repeatedly experiencing connections with her during periods of sleep, unconsciousness or imminent life-threatening events where they came back to life to pass this on to her husband..with a message. It's an interesting movie on many levels and leaves probably more questions than answers to the subject of near death experiences.
Here is a quote from one who experienced a near death event which I think is very true:
Yes, I understood from the experience that it's the love we feel when we're alive that
we take with us...the only regrets we have, are the love we hold back.
Each of us, as a human being, is a very, very special person. After all, we all begin life by winning the first race of our life... a race against more than 20 million other sperm cells. This, alone, means each of us is literally "one in a million." There is, therefore, more to humanity than meets the eye. Beyond our own visual reality, there exists a higher reality where our true self resides...it's not a mystery, it lies within each of us.
So, back to the question...where is heaven? Is it up in the sky somewhere? From the beginning of humanity, humans have searched for the answer to this question...movies have been made, songs written, books published...all of which suggest that searching for heaven is like searching for an illusion. Or is it? Maybe the answer is so easy to find, we just make the question so difficult?
Religious figures such as Jesus and Buddha help humanity understand that "love is the way to heaven" and that this "heaven is found within."
The religious consensus is that there exists a total of "10 realms" that make up the spirit world. Physicists, using some theory called "SuperString" calculate the universe is made up of 10-dimensional. They say these dimensions exist in the same space as the physical universe..like boxes within a box. Each individual has to draw their own conclusion on where heaven is, but I think those who have experienced near death certainly have a lot to say about the topic. Let me also say that not everyone who has experienced a near death experience has immediate recall of the experience. For whatever reason, it may not be remembered until years later if ever.
Experiencing a near death event is often referred to as a step into the spiritual condition we have been building within ourselves our entire life. It is a life of love that leads to heaven. Love is God's paradise for humanity and we can create this paradise from heaven, on Earth, within us if we learn to love one another.
Those who know me well know I talk about love and unconditional love often. I think there is a difference between simply "doing good deeds" and the amount of love we have the capacity to give. When we truly love...without hesitation or second thought, our thoughts and actions become one and more based on our true intentions. In most cases, in our daily lives, we don't focus, every day, on getting to the "core" of our souls.
When my step-father passed away, I had a vivid dream where he was in a place that had endless rooms of trophy mounts and comfortable chairs, with vibrant colors and huge doors. I suspect it was my subconscious on over-drive trying to place where he might be so far away from me. It struck me then, we are merely visitors on this Earth and that heaven is our real home. So far apart from each other, yet so close, in away in that the love of God, in heaven, is like the air we breathe on Earth.
Maybe, then, our goal should not be so much to identify where is heaven, but to bring heaven to Earth? Maybe there is a reason, too, why not everyone experiences a near death event. Perhaps too many glimpses of heaven might destroy our freedom.
Everything Happens For A Reason: Five Reasons To Be A Parent Helper In Your Child's...
Everything Happens For A Reason: Five Reasons To Be A Parent Helper In Your Child's...: "Writing a blog for a couple of 'balancing the life of the working mother' sites, I write about the issues I have identified in my own life a..."
Five Reasons To Be A Parent Helper In Your Child's Classroom
Writing a blog for a couple of "balancing the life of the working mother" sites, I write about the issues I have identified in my own life and try to share them with other working mothers. One thing that stands out is that in today's society, parents (both mother, father and sometimes grandparents) are working hands on in our child's classroom. There are many levels or degrees of involvement we can choose as parents to be a parent helper. Our schedules and work committments may not always allow us the freedom to schedule a couple of hours in the classroom, but there are viable alternatives including volunteering for special parties/events, field trips, providing assistance with projects from home (helping the teacher schedule parent helpers, items to be brought into school), tracking Scholastic book orders, etc.
The first step is identifying what role you will be the most effective in according to your life. If you are lucky enough to have a grandparent that lives close by, this is also a very rewarding and purposeful role that a grandparent can participate in. If you're still a little uneasy or hesitating to participate, here are a few reasons to reconsider why being involved in your child's early education is important.
1. Time is the greatest gift of all. Remember, children are only young for a little while so enjoy this time while you can!
2. Parents will have a deeper understanding of what their children are experiencing in school by being present which translates into increased learning and developmental milestones.
3. Learning and academics are only one aspect of your child's education. Having direct classroom involvement provides a bird's eye view of how your child is interacting with classmates, making friends and tuning into their personal and social development.
4. Enjoy the "happiness" you give your child just by making your presence known. Consider this your "15 minutes of fame with your most loving fan" as you just made them the post popular kid in class. Bring a snack to share (if permitted..that's a whole separate blog these days), and your popularity may just be cemented into the Hall of Fame.
5. Revisit your childhood... Yes, that's exactly what I said! While cutting out construction paper "hearts" for Valentine's Day may not be matched to your college degree, how many of us can say we really had an opportunity to "color out of the lines" for a couple of hours? Enjoy your own time out from the real world of responsibilities.
Remember, whatever your level of involvement, to enjoy this shared experience with your child. I have immense respect for the many parents who volunteer their time tirelessly, who sit on PTA boards, have the time and patience to cut out superior Jello-Jigglers, and work diligently with my child on their day to be parent helper. Don't forget to smile and realize that, like childbirth, you probably won't remember the painful parts but only the good times you will have when you are there.
They don't stay young forever!
The first step is identifying what role you will be the most effective in according to your life. If you are lucky enough to have a grandparent that lives close by, this is also a very rewarding and purposeful role that a grandparent can participate in. If you're still a little uneasy or hesitating to participate, here are a few reasons to reconsider why being involved in your child's early education is important.
1. Time is the greatest gift of all. Remember, children are only young for a little while so enjoy this time while you can!
2. Parents will have a deeper understanding of what their children are experiencing in school by being present which translates into increased learning and developmental milestones.
3. Learning and academics are only one aspect of your child's education. Having direct classroom involvement provides a bird's eye view of how your child is interacting with classmates, making friends and tuning into their personal and social development.
4. Enjoy the "happiness" you give your child just by making your presence known. Consider this your "15 minutes of fame with your most loving fan" as you just made them the post popular kid in class. Bring a snack to share (if permitted..that's a whole separate blog these days), and your popularity may just be cemented into the Hall of Fame.
5. Revisit your childhood... Yes, that's exactly what I said! While cutting out construction paper "hearts" for Valentine's Day may not be matched to your college degree, how many of us can say we really had an opportunity to "color out of the lines" for a couple of hours? Enjoy your own time out from the real world of responsibilities.
Remember, whatever your level of involvement, to enjoy this shared experience with your child. I have immense respect for the many parents who volunteer their time tirelessly, who sit on PTA boards, have the time and patience to cut out superior Jello-Jigglers, and work diligently with my child on their day to be parent helper. Don't forget to smile and realize that, like childbirth, you probably won't remember the painful parts but only the good times you will have when you are there.
They don't stay young forever!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Everything Happens For A Reason: The Grandparent Connection: The Value Of Uncondit...
Everything Happens For A Reason: The Grandparent Connection: The Value Of Uncondit...: "As I edge closer to 50 than 40 I have come to realize more than ever the integral role grandparent(s) play in helping families strike a mind..."
The Grandparent Connection: The Value Of Unconditional Love
As I edge closer to 50 than 40 I have come to realize more than ever the integral role grandparent(s) play in helping families strike a mindful balance which carries some very significant benefits. I remember many summers spent with my own grandparents as the primary caretaker of my brother and myself and many summer evenings listening to "stories" of days gone by, endless days swimming in the lake, rainy days spent playing cards with my grandfather. I realize, first hand, that grandparents and their role can be the "glue" which keeps the family together and contributes to family identity.
If we are lucky enough to have grandparents close in vicinity, their role can range from babysitter, chauffeur, confidante, caregiver and nurturer. Lunching with my daughters recently, it struck me that both girls had developed impeccable table manners which I complimented them on. My oldest daughter, Sara, said "Mom, when grandma takes us to lunch or when we eat dinner at her house, she always teaches table manners." So, grandparents also mentor grandchildren by teaching, sharing skills and talents as well as providing advice and listening to their grandchildren. Retired, with a little more time on her hands, the children's grandmother has the time and patience (and interest) to listen to stories about school, their activities and struggles. This intimate time spent together is valuable, sharing stories of her own years growing up and we find that while there may be a significant gap in age and cultures from "yester-year to today", the problems are often still similar. Her wisdom, patience and ability to listen is invaluable and creates a bond between them that transcends time. We have been fortunate, in that the children grew up within walking distance of my parents which has provided them with a unique "safe haven" because grandma always has time, an endless supply of chocolate chip cookies, and a shoulder to lean on when mine is at work.
As I grow older, I recognize the greatest gift of all is the gift of love and the gift of time. Life is short, creating memories will last a lifetime and set the foundation for the future. Enjoying grandparents while they are still with us is a role that is integral not only in augmenting the working family but in teaching and passing on the important knowledge and wisdom that they have accumulated in their vast lifetime..empowering with love.
While many factors may affect the degree to which grandparents can be involved in their grandchildren's lives, (i.e., distance, health, disability), there are many ways to bridge the gaps and facilitate relationships and connections between grandparents and grandchildren. In some cases, working mothers will have grandparents provide childcare. This is often the next best thing to having a parent at home. Grandparents provide unconditional love, maturity, knowledge, stability and wisdom for grandchildren and the same is true in reverse, as the grandchildren often add a dimension to the life of a grandparent not otherwise known, love, energy, youthfulness and purpose!
My own father (who is no longer with us) had a bad hip which he was too stubborn to have replaced, yet he maneuvered his mini-van to umpteen youth football games, little league baseball, and wouldn't hesitate to sit with one of the kids home sick with stomach flu and completely content to watch whatever cartoons kept his grandchild entertained. To this day, I remember the conversation I had with my dad, as I told him I was expecting my fourth child. The announcement of my fourth child had been met with a few comments like "are you crazy?" which had spun my emotions through the gamut (that's a whole separate blog). His words still resonate with me, "Honey, we have more than enough love to go around, I can't wait to meet my new grandchild, she's already loved." To this day, I wonder how he knew "she was a she", I didn't even know at that point! Nonetheless, his words, as always, comforted me in a way only a Dad can do.
So, fostering relationships with grandparents based on their degree or ability to be involved is important to build links to the future and, as a parent, we too gain positive support and encouragement balancing busy work schedules and parenting.
In the end, "The Grandparent Connection" is an enriching and encouraging bond connecting and building links between us. The gift of time, the gift of unconditional love is priceless. At my son's last varsity football game, his grandmother waited by the fence to congratulate him on a wonderful season (he made all KVA and won several awards), I saw, first hand, the lifetime bond that had developed between them, and without hesitation or second thought, he bear-hugged his grandma in a way only a 6-foot 5-inch, 230-pound center can do. No words were necessary.
If we are lucky enough to have grandparents close in vicinity, their role can range from babysitter, chauffeur, confidante, caregiver and nurturer. Lunching with my daughters recently, it struck me that both girls had developed impeccable table manners which I complimented them on. My oldest daughter, Sara, said "Mom, when grandma takes us to lunch or when we eat dinner at her house, she always teaches table manners." So, grandparents also mentor grandchildren by teaching, sharing skills and talents as well as providing advice and listening to their grandchildren. Retired, with a little more time on her hands, the children's grandmother has the time and patience (and interest) to listen to stories about school, their activities and struggles. This intimate time spent together is valuable, sharing stories of her own years growing up and we find that while there may be a significant gap in age and cultures from "yester-year to today", the problems are often still similar. Her wisdom, patience and ability to listen is invaluable and creates a bond between them that transcends time. We have been fortunate, in that the children grew up within walking distance of my parents which has provided them with a unique "safe haven" because grandma always has time, an endless supply of chocolate chip cookies, and a shoulder to lean on when mine is at work.
As I grow older, I recognize the greatest gift of all is the gift of love and the gift of time. Life is short, creating memories will last a lifetime and set the foundation for the future. Enjoying grandparents while they are still with us is a role that is integral not only in augmenting the working family but in teaching and passing on the important knowledge and wisdom that they have accumulated in their vast lifetime..empowering with love.
While many factors may affect the degree to which grandparents can be involved in their grandchildren's lives, (i.e., distance, health, disability), there are many ways to bridge the gaps and facilitate relationships and connections between grandparents and grandchildren. In some cases, working mothers will have grandparents provide childcare. This is often the next best thing to having a parent at home. Grandparents provide unconditional love, maturity, knowledge, stability and wisdom for grandchildren and the same is true in reverse, as the grandchildren often add a dimension to the life of a grandparent not otherwise known, love, energy, youthfulness and purpose!
My own father (who is no longer with us) had a bad hip which he was too stubborn to have replaced, yet he maneuvered his mini-van to umpteen youth football games, little league baseball, and wouldn't hesitate to sit with one of the kids home sick with stomach flu and completely content to watch whatever cartoons kept his grandchild entertained. To this day, I remember the conversation I had with my dad, as I told him I was expecting my fourth child. The announcement of my fourth child had been met with a few comments like "are you crazy?" which had spun my emotions through the gamut (that's a whole separate blog). His words still resonate with me, "Honey, we have more than enough love to go around, I can't wait to meet my new grandchild, she's already loved." To this day, I wonder how he knew "she was a she", I didn't even know at that point! Nonetheless, his words, as always, comforted me in a way only a Dad can do.
So, fostering relationships with grandparents based on their degree or ability to be involved is important to build links to the future and, as a parent, we too gain positive support and encouragement balancing busy work schedules and parenting.
In the end, "The Grandparent Connection" is an enriching and encouraging bond connecting and building links between us. The gift of time, the gift of unconditional love is priceless. At my son's last varsity football game, his grandmother waited by the fence to congratulate him on a wonderful season (he made all KVA and won several awards), I saw, first hand, the lifetime bond that had developed between them, and without hesitation or second thought, he bear-hugged his grandma in a way only a 6-foot 5-inch, 230-pound center can do. No words were necessary.
Monday, January 17, 2011
The "Write" Balance
Finding ways to express emotions in healthy ways is key to your good mental and physical health. For centuries, pen-and-paper-in-hand, poets have written poetry, lyrics to songs have been written that transcend time and still find themselves on someone's iPod shuffle today. Why is this? Emotions run the gamut from painful to euphoria and the circumstances surroudning them make great subject matter for writers, artists, musicians and the like.
Recent Neuroscience studies have shown that putting feelings into words produces therapeutic effects in the brain. Talking with a friend, therapist or writing in a journal have profound positive effects on our emotional and physical health. To achieve a life of "mindfulness", which is the ability to live in the present moment, without distraction, seems to produce a variety of health benefits. A region of the brain called the amygdala serves as an "alarm" to activate a cascade of biological systems that protect the body in times of danger. It's no wonder, then, that painful emotions trigger physical responses in our body that impact our overall general health in a negative way over a long period of time.
So, how does one achieve "mindfulness", that ability to live in the present without distraction? Have you ever found yourself re-living or re-hashing a painful emotional moment over and over again? Well, they call this phenomenon "processing emotions", and the reason we do this is felt to be a way to facilitate "coping". However, attempts to understand painful feelings often backfire and perpetuate or strengthen negative moods and emotions and can lead to depression. On the othe end of the spectrum is the "Ostrich syndrome", simply put, by "sticking your head in the sand" you practice denial or distraction. Hmmm...there's only one problem here, and that is, sooner or later, these issues are going to pop up, like an uninvited guest.
I think we have to find a balance somewhere in the middle of the spectrum so we are dealing with emotions and knowing when to simply let them go. Here are a few tips on how to do this:
ACCEPT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY: Accept that we cannot change the behaviors or actions of others; however, we can change our own behavior. Along with this, you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think. Protect and nuture your own health and emotional well-being. Taking preventative health-oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burn out prevention.
LET GO OF ANGER: Easy to write, very difficult to do in some cases. Value yourself as a person first and foremost. Let go of your sense of responsibility for others, in most cases, this is out of your control anyway. The most important people in your life will always be there for you out of love, unconditional love. Holding onto anger will only put advantage to negative effects on your life. Practice distancing here to allow yourself to re-focus on what is good for you, and those important around you.
EXERCISE YOUR GIFTS. I believe each and every one of us has God-given gifts and talents to be cherished which are always worthwhile endeavors for your time and health. A friend of mine, half-way around the world recently posted pictures of a new Singer sewing machine he was using to personalize curtains. Another good friend is a singer/songwriter who used a time in his life where he was going through a painful divorce to write song after song in a form of therapy. Keeping a journal which is yours and yours alone to write in has proven therapeutic benefits for your health emotionally and physically.
MOVE YOUR BODY: Our bodies are meant to move, every single day. Make a point to take a 10-minute walk after work or during your lunch hour. Rent a Yoga or Pilates video and practice strengthening and relaxation movements that involve your whole body. If your body is speaking to you with physical pain, then it's sending you a message to get moving. Find a local "YMCA" or rehabilitation facility that allows use of it's pool. Many studies have shown that weightless walking in water has multiple positive effects on joint range of motion, weight loss and enhancing your physical health. All-in-all, whatever exercise is right for your busy schedule, make a point to carve out some time for just you. The most cost-effective treatment for good health is at your fingertips and the release of natural endorphins will help your mood as well as take your mind off painful emotional distractions.
IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE: For the most difficult situations, which I call "impossible people", you must simply find perspective and find a "shelf" to file away these problems. The painful emotions that impossible people evoke can only hurt you if you let them...and why place the advantage in their court? Realize that impossible people fall into the category of those YOU "manage". As a manager, your best resource is silence (in some cases, silence is truly golden). After all, impossible people won't listen to reason and even if they could, they wouldn't (otherwise, they wouldn't be impossible). Impossible people don't take responsibility for their flaws and you can't convince them they have any responsibility (they're too busy being right). Over time, this will become easier, but once you place yourself in the position to "manage" the whole business of impossible people, you have taken control of this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. Most importantly here, remember to always be the opposite of the impossible person which is a possible person. Living as an example of tolerance, patience, humility and even some kindness are all things the impossible person are not very good at.
In the end, whether you write a blog (me!), compose songs or lyrics, participate in the arts, exercise or meditate, learning to deal with emotions is key to good mental and physical health. None of us is perfect all of the time. Give respect because YOU are human. If you don't receive respect, well, sadly, that's their problem. Give understanding and you get understanding. Achieving the balance on the emotional spectrum toward "mindfulness" is a great place to strive to be and will set an example for those around you. Who doesn't gravitate toward the well-centered, mindful individual?
Recent Neuroscience studies have shown that putting feelings into words produces therapeutic effects in the brain. Talking with a friend, therapist or writing in a journal have profound positive effects on our emotional and physical health. To achieve a life of "mindfulness", which is the ability to live in the present moment, without distraction, seems to produce a variety of health benefits. A region of the brain called the amygdala serves as an "alarm" to activate a cascade of biological systems that protect the body in times of danger. It's no wonder, then, that painful emotions trigger physical responses in our body that impact our overall general health in a negative way over a long period of time.
So, how does one achieve "mindfulness", that ability to live in the present without distraction? Have you ever found yourself re-living or re-hashing a painful emotional moment over and over again? Well, they call this phenomenon "processing emotions", and the reason we do this is felt to be a way to facilitate "coping". However, attempts to understand painful feelings often backfire and perpetuate or strengthen negative moods and emotions and can lead to depression. On the othe end of the spectrum is the "Ostrich syndrome", simply put, by "sticking your head in the sand" you practice denial or distraction. Hmmm...there's only one problem here, and that is, sooner or later, these issues are going to pop up, like an uninvited guest.
I think we have to find a balance somewhere in the middle of the spectrum so we are dealing with emotions and knowing when to simply let them go. Here are a few tips on how to do this:
ACCEPT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY: Accept that we cannot change the behaviors or actions of others; however, we can change our own behavior. Along with this, you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think. Protect and nuture your own health and emotional well-being. Taking preventative health-oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burn out prevention.
LET GO OF ANGER: Easy to write, very difficult to do in some cases. Value yourself as a person first and foremost. Let go of your sense of responsibility for others, in most cases, this is out of your control anyway. The most important people in your life will always be there for you out of love, unconditional love. Holding onto anger will only put advantage to negative effects on your life. Practice distancing here to allow yourself to re-focus on what is good for you, and those important around you.
EXERCISE YOUR GIFTS. I believe each and every one of us has God-given gifts and talents to be cherished which are always worthwhile endeavors for your time and health. A friend of mine, half-way around the world recently posted pictures of a new Singer sewing machine he was using to personalize curtains. Another good friend is a singer/songwriter who used a time in his life where he was going through a painful divorce to write song after song in a form of therapy. Keeping a journal which is yours and yours alone to write in has proven therapeutic benefits for your health emotionally and physically.
MOVE YOUR BODY: Our bodies are meant to move, every single day. Make a point to take a 10-minute walk after work or during your lunch hour. Rent a Yoga or Pilates video and practice strengthening and relaxation movements that involve your whole body. If your body is speaking to you with physical pain, then it's sending you a message to get moving. Find a local "YMCA" or rehabilitation facility that allows use of it's pool. Many studies have shown that weightless walking in water has multiple positive effects on joint range of motion, weight loss and enhancing your physical health. All-in-all, whatever exercise is right for your busy schedule, make a point to carve out some time for just you. The most cost-effective treatment for good health is at your fingertips and the release of natural endorphins will help your mood as well as take your mind off painful emotional distractions.
IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE: For the most difficult situations, which I call "impossible people", you must simply find perspective and find a "shelf" to file away these problems. The painful emotions that impossible people evoke can only hurt you if you let them...and why place the advantage in their court? Realize that impossible people fall into the category of those YOU "manage". As a manager, your best resource is silence (in some cases, silence is truly golden). After all, impossible people won't listen to reason and even if they could, they wouldn't (otherwise, they wouldn't be impossible). Impossible people don't take responsibility for their flaws and you can't convince them they have any responsibility (they're too busy being right). Over time, this will become easier, but once you place yourself in the position to "manage" the whole business of impossible people, you have taken control of this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. Most importantly here, remember to always be the opposite of the impossible person which is a possible person. Living as an example of tolerance, patience, humility and even some kindness are all things the impossible person are not very good at.
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