Just When The Caterpillar Thought Her Life Was Over, She Became A Butterfly

This is a recurring problem for me....there are days when it seems no matter what I do or how hard I try or work I always fall just a little short of my own expectations. Coming in "fourth place" in my own life may not sound so bad, but it's hard for me to swallow.

I know, it sounds like my own pity party or self-sabotage in a way. Sometimes I give up too easy or end up being a little too hard on myself, but here's the little mantra going on in my head on those days.. "no matter what I do, the house isn't clean enough, I always forget to pay that one bill, spend a little too much on the grocery shopping, don't cook enough of the right food, never caught up on laundry, bathrooms."

The list goes on because I also worry I'm not reading enough to my kids or don't love them enough and will screw them up beyond repair. I worry that they are in too many activities or not enough, that they don't play outside enough or have enough down time. I worry that I'm too lenient or too hard on them.

Sometimes, I beat myself up because I work too much, spend too much time reading on the computer, don't eat enough or eat too much, don't exercise enough. I try to be a good friend but I worry that I don't say the right thing, remember important dates or that I'm not a good enough listener, talk too much or not enough.

Then, there's the personal "not good enough", you know, the little inventory we do on ourselves thinking my hair is out of style, my boobs are too small, my butt is too big, I have more freckles than I used to and I'm just a little fashion clumsy.

Clearly, if that's not enough, there are even days when I hate myself because even though I'm trying so hard to become someone different, someone healthy and someone authentic and whole, I seem to fall short of even that.

So, then, I read this little quote..."Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly." And I thought to myself, maybe those are the days we are actually growing and changing into the "butterfly" or, rather, our true authentic selves. I think every woman has a day or two where she can't see the true beauty of who she is and, in general, we tend to be very hard on ourselves. After all, we're not supposed to be perfect and learning to accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses creates a feeling of peace within.