Shit Happens..For A Reason

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason and nothing is by chance and nothing is inherently negative, challenging yes but negative no. This perspective is nothing new and has been repeated and phrased differently by many people, over many centuries. For me it’s a view that makes sense and can really help people gain perspective when we come up against difficult times. When people have to cope with difficult situations in their lives, they sometimes reassure themselves by saying that everything happens for a reason. For some people, thinking this way makes it easier to deal with relationship problems, financial crises, disease, death, and even natural disasters such as earthquakes. It can be distressing to think that bad things happen merely through chance or accident. But they do.

Everything happens for a reason, but.......  Why the "but"...well, because as much as I believe that everything truly does happen for a reason, I still think we need to do something to help ourselves first.   If your mother is like my mother, when something distressing or challenging happens to me, she will inevitably say..."honey, when one door closes, another opens."  It is simply necessary to be open enough to see that other door.  Some people say, whatever happened, was God's will.  I truly believe this as well.  I believe that God has a plan for each and every one of us.  I also believe that we exercise free will.  Often, bad things happen to good people.  I don't believe that God makes these things happen.  Life happens.   He brings us the strength to get through them, which is why I always pray for strength to make it through whatever challenges I am facing as well as for those around me.

I also strongly believe that everything we have experienced in our lifetime is for a reason.  I wonder why my marriage happened in the first place and then I look at my four children and I know, that there are four good reasons why.  God has a plan for each of them and that is important.

I also believe that if we are never faced with tough decisions or difficult times in our lives we will never fully be able to appreciate the really good times.   I don't think that my belief that everything happens for a reason is a "crutch" I lean on to explain away these things that happen.  For example, Stephen Hawkings said "I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road." OK, I see your point, Steve. It's easy to say that we have this free will, which we have, and that we're regularly screwing up our own lives by the bad choices we make. But I'm not talking about buying the almost-expired steaks that made you sick just to save a little money versus going to the butcher. I'm talking the TOUGH decisions that keep you up at night. The ones you struggle with for days, weeks, or years wondering if you're doing the right thing. The ones that cause many people to FINALLY turn to God for when they have nowhere else to go.

 I don't mean to go all holy roller on you - that's not me. But think about a tough decision you made once that, looking back, you realized, "If I hadn't done that, I'd never be here today." Taking that job. Not taking that job. Moving to a new city. Not moving. Ending a relationship or a marriage. Starting a new relationship too soon or to quickly, or taking too long to tell that person how you really feel. Deciding to have a child and losing that child. Deciding not to have a child and becoming pregnant. Everyone asks why at some point but the kicker is, there is no answer. You will never in this life come to a full understanding of it. So you can wallow in your "did I do the right thing" mentality forever, or you can hope that the reason you made that decision was that God was at the helm, guiding you like a mouse through the maze of this crazy thing called life, searching and searching for that cheese. We may not think we'll ever find it, but He does.

And sometimes, that's all we have to hold onto. So why not just hold onto it?

Psychological research has identified many ways to build resilience in individuals and groups, such as developing problem solving skills and strong social networks. Life can be highly meaningful even if some things that happen are just accidents.  Stuff happens and you deal with it.