If you find yourself facing Christmas alone, December can be the longest month of all. If someone is missing from the celebrations this year, if a family member has been sick, or money worries are keeping you up at night it’s easy to want to echo the Grinch’s sentiment — “I must find a way to keep Christmas from coming!” There are some years when Christmas is more than we can do. But more often, going into hibernation for a month isn’t a realistic plan. Christmas is coming, with or without our permission. So how do you face the season when it doesn’t look the way it used to?
Those are kind of my sentiments which settled in my thoughts right after Thanksgiving. Endure it, get through it. I guess I'm not alone and don't get me wrong here, I have a loving family, kids who are jazzed about Christmas and all that this entails, like making cookies, shopping, decorating. I'm just trying to figure out how to get in the spirit and not make the holidays a checklist of things to do and get done. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be that person. I'm not depressed, can't label that on this feeling...it's something I can't put my finger on.
Someone has it worse than me, I'm sure..someone has a funeral to attend around Christmas, someone is visiting a family member in the hospital struggling through an illness, someone has absolutely nothing to put under the tree, someone is worried about how to pay the electric/gas bill, someone is figuring out Christmas, maybe alone, just like me. So, we are not so dissimilar in this world after all. These are the people I have in my thoughts this Christmas. It doesn't make me a better person to feel this way, it's just that I am struggling to find where I am at at this life of mine at 50, alone after spending most of my life married, raising a family. It could be worse, a lot worse.
When I look up at the night sky, I see the stars and contemplate the spaces between them. I realize, we are all connected in some way.
This quote came from my daughter. She has a beautiful soul and when she has the courage to reveal what is behind her thoughts, I am amazed at how beautiful she is without realizing it. Maybe that is part of the beauty. Her quote made me think, made me reach a little deeper into my own soul and realize that instead of focusing on my own "pity party", maybe I ought to think about someone else for once.
We are giving it back this year, the kids and I, to the best of our ability. We cannot touch everyone, but the stories of those we have met will never leave us. In a way, they have become a part of us, their struggle, the look on their faces. When you take the time to look, really look, you see things that you might not in a busy world of getting things done and rushing through the day. I'm glad I took the time.
So, I am thankful for my children, whom I love more than life itself. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful I have a job, an income, and this opportunity to start making the holidays full of traditions we make on our own.
If you are struggling this holiday season, I guess my message is that you are not alone. That someone, somewhere is saying a little prayer for you. That you are safe, that you have warmth, love and strength, like a blanket of love. I, too, have sat at a funeral during Christmas, I have been to the hospital with a family member who was ill, I have recognized an empty seat for someone who is in heaven, I have worried that there is enough in the bank account to cover the gas bill, I have felt the emptiness that comes from not having someone who loves me as a partner...these feelings become a part of me, life's experiences, and while they can make me sad, they can also make me stronger. It's a choice.
I choose to love like I've never been hurt. I choose to smile because my children are happy. I choose to be strong, because I can make that choice. So can you. Some people may mistake my kindness for my weakness, but it is no mistake...my kindness is my strength, it makes me who I am and in many ways, I'm just now figuring out who I really am.
Merry Christmas to you, wherever you are, and if you feel alone, just look up into the night sky and see the spaces between the stars...and realize that we are all truly connected in some way.
Those are kind of my sentiments which settled in my thoughts right after Thanksgiving. Endure it, get through it. I guess I'm not alone and don't get me wrong here, I have a loving family, kids who are jazzed about Christmas and all that this entails, like making cookies, shopping, decorating. I'm just trying to figure out how to get in the spirit and not make the holidays a checklist of things to do and get done. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be that person. I'm not depressed, can't label that on this feeling...it's something I can't put my finger on.
Someone has it worse than me, I'm sure..someone has a funeral to attend around Christmas, someone is visiting a family member in the hospital struggling through an illness, someone has absolutely nothing to put under the tree, someone is worried about how to pay the electric/gas bill, someone is figuring out Christmas, maybe alone, just like me. So, we are not so dissimilar in this world after all. These are the people I have in my thoughts this Christmas. It doesn't make me a better person to feel this way, it's just that I am struggling to find where I am at at this life of mine at 50, alone after spending most of my life married, raising a family. It could be worse, a lot worse.
When I look up at the night sky, I see the stars and contemplate the spaces between them. I realize, we are all connected in some way.
This quote came from my daughter. She has a beautiful soul and when she has the courage to reveal what is behind her thoughts, I am amazed at how beautiful she is without realizing it. Maybe that is part of the beauty. Her quote made me think, made me reach a little deeper into my own soul and realize that instead of focusing on my own "pity party", maybe I ought to think about someone else for once.
We are giving it back this year, the kids and I, to the best of our ability. We cannot touch everyone, but the stories of those we have met will never leave us. In a way, they have become a part of us, their struggle, the look on their faces. When you take the time to look, really look, you see things that you might not in a busy world of getting things done and rushing through the day. I'm glad I took the time.
So, I am thankful for my children, whom I love more than life itself. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful I have a job, an income, and this opportunity to start making the holidays full of traditions we make on our own.
If you are struggling this holiday season, I guess my message is that you are not alone. That someone, somewhere is saying a little prayer for you. That you are safe, that you have warmth, love and strength, like a blanket of love. I, too, have sat at a funeral during Christmas, I have been to the hospital with a family member who was ill, I have recognized an empty seat for someone who is in heaven, I have worried that there is enough in the bank account to cover the gas bill, I have felt the emptiness that comes from not having someone who loves me as a partner...these feelings become a part of me, life's experiences, and while they can make me sad, they can also make me stronger. It's a choice.
I choose to love like I've never been hurt. I choose to smile because my children are happy. I choose to be strong, because I can make that choice. So can you. Some people may mistake my kindness for my weakness, but it is no mistake...my kindness is my strength, it makes me who I am and in many ways, I'm just now figuring out who I really am.
Merry Christmas to you, wherever you are, and if you feel alone, just look up into the night sky and see the spaces between the stars...and realize that we are all truly connected in some way.
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