Never Give Up, Always Move Forward

Never Give Up, Always Move Forward

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

A Certain Amount of Nonsense Mixed In With Missing Someone Important

She bought things with her heartbeats
Dealt in the currency of time
Counted her pulse to track her spendings
She didn't like to wait in long lines
She wasn't one for banking
Hearbeats aren't something you can save
You either spend them or you lose them
Until there are no heartbeats
I'd give heartbeats to strangers
By listening to their woes
Because a heart's worth more than money
As far as money goes
Money only buys you things
Heartbeats buy so much more

I think back on things and people that I miss the most.  That reminds me how I tried to change.  Yes, I tried to be softer, prettier, close my mouth and not say exactly what it was I wanted to say.  Inevitably, it comes out though.  Even in my dreams I could feel someone travel further and further away.  I missed it before I was gone.  Nonsensical preparation for being dealt the ultimate hand that would mark my fate and I want to turn back time so I can do it differently.

Today, though, I am more brave.  We must persevere and dare to show up and be present.  Even on those days that we feel small.  They say opposites attract, but I think truly we seek what we love in ourselves in another.  Because of that we can look deeper or further into the soul of another because we understand ourselves.  I miss that effective team.

I am self propelled, meaning fueled from within.  I don't need anyone to push me to be better, I'm already there (not perfect) but certainly trying.  I appreciate the opinions of others, but I am not attached to the opinions of them.  I've learned that if you allow the power of someone's opinion to feed you, that power can also starve you. I miss that the power of someone's opinion regardless of what I would do with it.

I like a certain amount of nonsense.  The world is filled with purpose on a daily and sometimes hourly basis.  A certain amount of "nonsense" keeps the wonder in my soul for the outrageous, the magic, the wonderful feeling of amazing.  I miss the amazing magical nonsense. I slept better on amazing days when magical dehydrated me.

I cherish the worries of others in the sense that their feelings are important.  We all have shortcomings.  Resist the impulse to push away the soul who is worried or burdened.  Resist the impulse to make them feel they have let us down and even if they have it doesn't mean they always will.  I miss being able to cherish another's worries as I would my own.

Some people may think that all this notion about love is overrated.  Not me, I think that the day you start thinking it's overrated is the day you've gone wrong.  The only thing wrong with love, faith and hope is not having it.

This new dynamic that is now not so new is difficult.  It's not as simple as you do or you don't.  I know that.  It's just that keeping that around makes it impossible to let go and both are impossible options to be dealt.  I'm not perfect and I don't know any perfect people, only flawed people who are totally worth loving.  I also keep them in my prayers.  In prayer, it is better to have a heart without words than words without heart.



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