Letting Go of Crappy

Some relationships are incredibly pernicious. We often develop relationships out of convenience, without considering the traits necessary to build a successful bond with another person—important traits like unwavering support and shared trust and loving encouragement.

When a relationship is birthed out of convenience it is bound to fail. We need more than a person’s physical presence to maintain a meaningful connection, but we routinely keep people around because … well, simply because they’re already around.

It’s easy to develop a connection with someone who’s always there and we don't always choose our family members, coworkers.  Sometimes, it's not always a choice as to who will be in your life.  It takes work to keep any relationship going..your time, your care.  When the "core" of a relationship changes, no matter who it is, it is time to reevaluate. 

We’ve all held on to someone who didn’t deserve to be there for whatever reason.  The memories hurt, you wonder if it was real or if you convinced yourself it was real. Regardless, what is left is a box full of memories or a situation that occurred and you file it somewhere in the back of your soul, pieces of that memory slide out now and again and the pang or pain you feel in your gut is all too real.    

Sometimes, we hold people on a pedestal.  And we can't put people on a pedestal...because they don't belong there.  These people poop, burp, fart, have their good points and bad points just like every human.  Take the blinders off.  And if you remember, you probably thought most of these things were once endearing, cute or funny.

Fortunately, regardless of the situation - it may be fixable to a degree and maybe it's not. 

First, you can attempt to fix the relationship. This is obviously the preferable solution (albeit not always possible or worthwhile). People change over time, and so do relationships. You can change how your relationship works—be it marriage, friendship, or family—without completely ditching the relationship. 

Sit down with the person who’s draining the vitality from your life and explain to them what must change in order for your relationship to work. Explain that you need them to be more supportive, that you need them to participate in your growth, that they are important to you, but that you are important too.  Explain that you’re not attempting to change them as a person; you simply want to change how your relationship works.

Finally, ask them what they’d like to change about the relationship. Ask them how you can add more value. Listen attentively, act accordingly.

Or, if you’re unable to change the relationship, you can end it altogether. This is incredibly difficult, but it applies to any relationship: family, friends, lovers, coworkers, acquaintances. If someone is doing nothing but draining your life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them “This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must end it—I must move on.”  Remember, if they truly valued you, loved you, cared for you...well, you would know it.  People don't go around destroying what they love.

It’s OK to move on. You owe it to yourself to move on. You owe it to yourself to be happy with the relationships you have. You are in control.

Moving on is sometimes the only way to develop new, empowering relationships. Starting anew, empty-handed and full-hearted, you can build fresher, stronger, more supportive relationships—important relationships that allow you to have fun and be happy and contribute beyond yourself. These are the meaningful relationships we all need.

It’s also important to do your part. You too must add value to the relationship. Not value in the form of gifts or monetary value, but by showing up every day and rigorously exhibiting how much you care, demonstrating your love through consistent actions, continually going out of your way to help the other person grow.

You see, both people must do their part to grow the relationship. Only then will both of you be satisfied with the relationship you’ve built.

Black Tights and Leggings

Since the 1980s I have loved black tights.  With the re-emergence of leggings, well, need I say more? I'm certainly not a fashion expert, but these are a few of my favorite, favorite posts to sites relative to fashion.

Black Leggings with a white shirt.  Classic feel, classic look, takes you anywhere - wrap around a denim jacket and the look is complete. Hides all those imperfections in our butt, legs and thighs.

Black Sheer Tights  Great for that black business skirt and those days where meetings, interviews take place.  They have the sheerness of nylons and the comfort of black. Even when your'e cleaning the bathroom.

Black opaque nylons  Great with a skirt, boots, sweater dress..you name it, they provide the warmth of a legging and the comfort and ease of tights.  New this year are boot leg warmers, boot tights - and don't forget to grab a pair of the over the knee socks for added warmth at football games.

Black tights with Doc Martins and a pair of shorts..  Shorts?   That fashion sense dates back to the 80s for sure; however, yes, a pair of corduroy shorts in any color, black shorts, jean shorts...it all works with tights.

Black tights cover imperfections perfectly.  I love a pair of great jeans, but tights are dressy enough and casual enough to take their place effortlessly.

Black tights are great for lounging.  Need I say more.. yep..time for a pedicure STAT

Black Patterned Tights..  All over the place this year in knit, cable knit patterns, polka dot..you name it..they are available and I love them.

I don't own any at this time - photo courtesy of Victoria Chan...

So enjoy your winter months with a pair of black tights and black leggings..remember, they dress up any outfit and simply paired with a great pair of shoes, pumps, clogs, boots, Martins...you are all ready to get up and enjoy the holidays.

This is one of my girlfriend's - when we both wore ...black tights at a Thirty One Party...

And, of course, if black tights and leggings are not your thing..this comment is pretty appropriate

Everything Happens For A Reason: LovePanky Reblog

Everything Happens For A Reason: LovePanky Reblog: Just in case you don't have time to look for juicy articles on the web, I did the homework and came up with this. Sleep well. Betwe...

LovePanky Reblog

Just in case you don't have time to look for juicy articles on the web, I did the homework and came up with this.

Sleep well.

Between the Sheets

Everything Happens For A Reason: Dear Faith, Hope and Love:

Everything Happens For A Reason: Dear Faith, Hope and Love:: Dear Faith, Hope and Love: I don't think there are any three words in this world more undefined than you.  In fact, there are so many...

Dear Faith, Hope and Love:

Dear Faith, Hope and Love:

I don't think there are any three words in this world more undefined than you.  In fact, there are so many different definitions, opinions and thoughts to describe you that you become lost in our world of importance. Many have tried to define you from Merriam-Webster dictionary to the opinions of theologians and, yes, each and every one of us.  I know there are many who can quote chapter and verse from the Gospel, which I enjoy, but this letter is to Faith, Hope and Love.

Merriam-Webster describes Faith as a noun, which we know from grammar school is a person, place or thing.  The definition is:  Something that is believed, especially with strong conviction. (Merriam-Webster).   The dictionary citing also gives examples of faith, straightforward black and white, which I particularly enjoyed:

*Faith in Government has been badly shaken by recent scandals.
*She says that her faith has given her courage to deal with this tragedy.

These are definitions of how the word Faith is used in the English language, but takes us nowhere in really understanding who or what Faith is.

Most of the definitions of Faith in the history of Christian theology have followed biblical formulation in the Letter to the Hebrews (11:1):  the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Faith in Christianity).

Faith, hope and love exist in every one of us, in every moment of our lives and in all that we do.  As individual as we all are, faith, hope and love is just as unique to each person as Faith is to the world.  Faith is what makes tomorrow possible and yesterday meaningful, but again only with hope and love.

Faith intermingles with Hope and is held together by Love "the glue" that makes all three work.  Take out Hope and/or Love and Faith is a Merriam-Webster word used in the English language.

So, we are nowhere near a description of Faith, but we can look at lovely quotes that connect with the soul that bring us closer in certain ways - Faith being something we cannot see but only feel, like the wind caressing your cheeks or the warmth of the sun - in other words, "blind faith or belief in a feeling we cannot prove."  While that may be partly true, I believe that Faith, Hope and Love dwell together for a reason.  I believe there is good in each and every person in the world, albeit sometimes we must peel back some layers to find it and sometimes goodness is seen in the private final moments of someone's journey..I believe it is there.  I cannot prove this theory of mine - you see, it is based on Faith, Hope and Love.  Faith in mankind, enough Hope for the entire world and Love for everyone in my reach.

Faith is also found everyday in forgiveness.  You see, in forgiveness, we not only set whatever or whoever we are forgiving free, but we set ourselves free at the same time.   Free from hate, free from contempt, free from judgement.  Forgiveness, in other words, is huge.  While the definition for forgiveness is an easier word to define it is also a close cousin to Faith, Hope and Love.

What would our world look like today if these three components ruled all of our decisions?  It doesn't matter what religion you worship or do not worship, Faith, Hope and Love can be a part of each and every one of us.   World leaders would approach political decisions much differently if governed by a different beacon.  There would be no terrorist groups using violence to assert their beliefs, no need to pass concealed weapons permits, no violent crimes against mankind.  Ahhh, but that would be a perfect world and such a simple answer to such complicated questions are just not in the cards.

Powered and held together by Love, Hope and Faith empower each of us in our families, with our friends, in our communities, in our government, our schools, which makes a significant difference.  I certainly don't have all the answers, but I know that each of us has the power to have enough Hope for the entire world, and enough Love that empowers both Faith and Hope in small miracles every single day and that makes a huge difference.

Love gives you hope, courage, strength.  Hope gives you Faith.  Keep Loving, Keep Hoping.

From The Trenches

This date was courtesy of an online dating website. After several attempts at scheduling a date because of dog sitting issues, we finally meet for dinner. He had just returned from a vacation with his dog. Just the 2 of them. Very cute, right? Or creepy, whatever. He seemed to be nice enough. While at dinner he explained how they had a lovely relaxing time (yes, him & the dog), he’s had to hire 3 dog sitters because the dog was bored of the first 2, satisfied with his job, and now looking to form the next phase of his life. I’m listening, answering his questions, engaging in conversation.

He says to me “you know I feel so comfortable with you. Like I can share anything with you.”

“Aww that’s very sweet thank you!” Right?

He leans in and says “I want to share something personal with you”.

“I am flattered. Please feel free. “

“You know I really love my dog.” Yes, I do. “I love playing with him. We love playing with each other. He really gets me through some of the loneliness I feel, sometimes.”

“Of course. That’s awesome that you have the dog in your life to help you through those times. People underestimate how much companionship, caring, love, and responsibility a dog provides. Some people treat their dogs as they would a child.”

“I’m so glad to hear you say that. So many people don’t understand that kind of feeling you get from a pet. In fact, I’d like to tell you something else.” [Leans in closer]. “I play with my dog naked.”

“WHAT?”

“Yes, I mean, the dog is naked; why shouldn’t I be? I really like the feeling of his fur on my naked body.”

I get up from the table. He says” where are you going? Are you offended by this?”

Oh, absolutely not. I just forgot that I had to play with my cat.