Things I've Learned About Heaven From the Intenet

Quotes, thoughts, movies, song lyrics, blogs, articles, scientific articles, theologians, philosophers, artists, authors all have written or posted something significant about Heaven.  I capitalized it because I believe it to be a place.  As my Dad would say, anywho...here's the fast list about what I have learned about Heaven from the Internet, be it true or false, an opinion or a feeling, a song or an article...here we go:

1.  Life, as we know it, is not the "real" one - we were made for heaven (the creation account in Genesis wasn't meant to be taken seriously?)

2. Heaven is a place on earth (according to Melissa Etheridge's song).

3.  Many of us derive a mental picture of Heaven from what we see in the movies or on television (oh, for sure).

4.  Heaven is what many of us hold deep in our souls, which is a feeling that after death, we are really going somewhere (I sure hope so!).

5.  The Jewish faith focuses on life in the here and now, opposed to heaven (pretty good lesson for all of us to learn, if you ask me).

6.  Shows on television like Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer have approximately 10 million people tuning in for "church" each week (and you thought your church was big).  Joel Osteen's church pulls in approximately 70 million per year in revenue (that's some pretty big cheese).

7.  Mitch Ablom's book and version of heaven sounds like a family reunion (plenty of people could view this as the opposite of Heaven).

8.  The Dalai Lama laughed hard at Barbara Walter's question in an interview, "Are you a God?" (I really like that guy...and in case you're wondering, he considers himself a teacher).  The Dalai Lama, in case you are wondering, as well, views heaven as not the end goal to achieve, but rather passing through a place. (Did I mention, I really like this guy?).

9.  The 72 virgin promise for jihadists doesn't come from the Quran, but other texts which quote Muhammad (you learn something new every day).

10.  In Islam, 72 means countless.  (Like I said, you learn something new every day).

11.  The definition of Faith is different for just about everyone, just as each of us defines Heaven (the irony, of course, is that claiming the unprovable (i.e., affirming the unprovable tenet of divine non-existence is also an act of faith).

12.  I think scientists forget that their job is to explain "how" and not "why" (which is also a good science lesson for all of us).

13.  When the astronauts quoted from Genesis as they looked over earth, from space for the first time, is still one of the most awesome moments (my opinion).

14.  Upwards of 18 million Americans have claimed to have had a near death experience (I am not among them, but I have had moments of the unexplained, and I think that counts for something).

15.  Atheists or skeptics of Heaven, in my view, at one point in their lives (maybe the end), will pray (my opinion).

16.  There are people who are living in hell today (Literally, watch the news).

17.  90% of Americans believe in heaven (which is comforting considering the option).

So, you see...there are so many thoughts on the subject of Heaven, and probably so many of you are more qualified than I am to quote scripture.  I don't claim to be an expert on any of the above, I am not a "Bible thumper", my faith is my own.  I don't pass judgement on the views of others.  I believe that love is unconditional or it's not really love.  I believe the definition of Faith is different for each and every one of us, and I simply cannot define mine for you other than to state it is the belief of something unprovable, yet believed and is as real to me, yet unseen, and can be likened to the feeling of the wind as it blows through my hair...I cannot see it, yet I can feel it, I know it is real and it is present.

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Everything Happens For A Reason: Why would anyone want to date a single mom? Thing...

Everything Happens For A Reason: Why would anyone want to date a single mom?  Thing...: Why would anyone want to date a single mom?  Thing is, there are a lot of "us" out there, re-entering the strange world of dating...

Why would anyone want to date a single mom?  Thing is, there are a lot of "us" out there, re-entering the strange world of dating.  It's not the same as it used to be when we were younger and dating.  Back then, there were no kids to consider, and potential dates came from your social circles instead of a computer or well-meaning friends who arrange "blind dates".  Anywho, here's my take on why dating a single mom is a great idea:

1.  Single moms are pretty independent, because they have to be.  So, the woman sitting across from you is no wimp!

2.  Your mom always said, choose a partner that would be a great mother to your kids.  Here's the good news..she's already a great mom!  Look no further.

3.  She'll be good for you, she's already incredibly patient.

4.  She won't play games, she doesn't have time to just fool around.  Thus, she will be good for you.  She will take you seriously.

5.  She's going to size you up to see if you have what it takes to be a good thing for not only herself, but her kids.

6.  She is easy to please.  She doesn't get too much time for herself, or a break - so she is easy to pamper.  Trust me on this one, dinner out that isn't pizza or a cheeseburger wrapped in paper is truly a treat.

7.  She is loyal and fiercely protective of her brood.

8.  She knows how to articulate her wants and needs in a relationship.

9.  She is practical and fun - she's not into DIVA behavior, unless she's watching Atlanta Housewives on Bravo, but doesn't want to experience it.

10.  She has long since worn out the party girl lifestyle, but a fun night out is always a treat.

11. She’s selfless. Single moms put others’ needs before their own.

12. She can make you a great spaghetti dinner, she's talented like that.  She can also give a great neck rub.

13.  She's got children and if you are privileged enough to enter her inner circle, you'll get to tag along to adventures like soccer zone and the zoo.

14.  She has an endless capacity to love those around her, whether they are her own children or those of another. 

15.  She understands that those she meets have their own baggage, those bags just come in different colors, if she's willing to help you "unpack", she's a keeper.

16.  A single mom, really has to handle all "ground zero issues" at home - that makes her very adaptable - she can feed a crew of two as easily as sixteen, grocery shop on a budget, and multi-task; however, she is also very appreciative of a helping hand - she is easily enchanted by acts of kindness.

17.  She has a new view on love - you see, a single mom has already dealt with a broken heart, she'll likely love you like you've never been loved before.  I placed this close to the end, not because it lacks importance, but because if you've read this far, hopefully you see the single mom with great ability to love already.

18.  She is fluent in the language of love, verbal and nonverbal - expect she would wrap her arms around you every morning and every night, in every way.

19. She makes a great best friend and knows what that means.

20.  She's used to working hard, in her home and work - while she is used to being in control, because she has to be in control, she welcomes sharing that with another and knows how to enjoy riding in the passenger seat.

So, you see, dating a single mom may be a really good thing, when you look at what she does every day and how she does it.

Everything Happens For A Reason: The Rabbit Hole

Everything Happens For A Reason: The Rabbit Hole: January marks the one year anniversary of my independence and the start of a new life, on my own, at 51-years of age.  My children and I ha...

The Rabbit Hole

January marks the one year anniversary of my independence and the start of a new life, on my own, at 51-years of age.  My children and I have lived a year of "firsts", by taking them one at a time and simply by setting some new traditions along the way.  It's hard to be a single mom and hold down the fort, all the while, dealing with what I call "ground zero issues" meaning simply, taking care of the day-to-day things that need tending, like laundry, repairs, grocery shopping, homework, etc.  It is also time for me to crawl out of my "Rabbit Hole" as I like to put it, and put some things behind me solidly to move forward.   My rabbit hole is a comfortable place, where I seek solace and try not to contemplate too far ahead in the future (overwhelming).  I think, to move forward in life, one must always look over her shoulder to see where she has been to know where she is going in the future.   As I "peek" out of my rabbit hole, I glance behind me, but step forward.

Glancing behind me, I recall that when my relationship was unraveling, I was literally walking on eggshells in many ways.  A home where conflicts abounded, not so much verbally..no much worse than that..silently, living in a house built on resentment.  Recognizing an untenable situation, the egg was cracked and there was no way to make it whole again, however, my path is still encumbered by a few pesky eggshells leftover.  Clearly, this year was paved with that path of walking on those eggshells, as life is not "over-easy" (pardon the play on words).

Walking forward, I have decided to incubate a new egg, just for me.  (what's with the eggs here?)  Well, an egg is a "symbol" of new life and this is exactly what I need to create.  I am past the delicate phase, or delicate shell and while I don't know what the path is going to include, this instant (and that is okay), a plan to nurture myself knowing that months or years from now I will look back on this phase of my life as hopeful instead of unknown.

I look back at our year of "firsts" and clearly, we were in uncharted territory (my children and I), but and this is a big BUT, our new path is going to be paved with hope instead of broken eggshells.  I'm going to sweep the floors to clear a path out of the rabbit hole, which provided me great comfort and incubate a new me.  When it's time, she will peck her way out of the shell and emerge into her new life, knowing exactly where she is going to fly.

So, here's to a new year, and a good Egg.

A Woman's Body Language

There are hidden cues in a woman's body language, some are obvious and some are not so obvious.  So, I recently had lunch with a buddy of mine who "decoded" a woman's body language.

A woman's face will "animate" when she is interested in you and what you are saying.  Watch her eyebrows, lips and eyes to see how she reacts to the things you are saying.  Strangely, if she "raises" her eyebrows, it is not necessarily a negative body language...in fact, most of the them, it is probably a good thing particularly if it comes with a smile.  Sometimes, a woman will raise her eyebrows if she is interested in what she sees.

Likewise, if she is biting her lip or "pursing" her lips in a certain way, it is almost always to draw attention to her lips...not necessarily just a fidgety movement.  Note to self:  I often catch myself doing this!

Watch how a woman sits.  If she sits facing you or turns to where you are sitting, she is interested in what you have to say.  If she rests her heads on her hands or maybe tilts her head to the side to see you, she is definitely in tune to what you are saying.

Crossed arms, leaning back - always a definite sign she is feeling defensive or shutting down - instead of giving up, simply change the focus of what you are saying and watch her relax!  (The jury is out on this one...I am not sure, myself)!

She plays with her hair.  If she twirls her hair or smooths it out, she may be feeling pensive or self-conscious about her appearance; however, if she is talking to you and twirling her hair around a finger, for example....she's flirting.

Watch her fingers...Seriously...when a woman is interested in whom she is next to, she may carelessly fidget with her necklace, casually touch her collarbone - that's a definite positive flirtatious signal she probably doesn't even know she is doing.   If she's stroking the stem of a wineglass...she is giving off an exogenous, albeit subconscious signal that she is interested...consider it a kind of fidgeting, but in a positive way.  On the other hand, if she is tapping the glass nervously, she may be thinking...where's the exit sign?

Crossed legs.  Interestingly, if a woman is sitting across from you and she crosses her legs...she is sending out a subconscious signal that she is either interested in what you are saying...or flirting with you.    She may even stroke her thigh (subconsciously), also a positive sign she is into you and probably not even aware she is doing it.    Or, she may simply want you to notice her long legs.

Mirroring your movements - A woman who likes you or is interested in you may also mirror your movements.  Body language is, for the most part, a subconscious behavior that we really don't realize we are doing.  Take for instance, eye contact - holding your gaze for a moment longer that she might normally do is a definite sign a woman is interested in what you are saying.  She is subconsciously measuring your face, your eyes, what you are saying and how you are saying it.  These nonverbal cues have an impact on how she responds with her own body language and also what she is saying.  If a woman is nervous or feeling a little insecure about herself, she may exhibit body language that reflects that.

Take a moment the next time you are talking with a woman and take a cue from her body language.  If she is interested in you, she will turn toward you, lean in, make eye contact, fidget, twirl her hair.  She may even touch your arm or your shoulder if she feels comfortable to enhance a point she is making.

Communication between men and women in an age where technology has taken over with texting and email becomes less innate than in the past.   Lets not forget the importance of our personal interactions and how meaningful they can be to all of us.  Bottom line, when talking to a woman, watch her body language and gauge your own for enhanced communication.

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Why Do We Have This Self-Esteem Thing Backwards?

Self esteem is an insidious problem in the world. On a Northern Exposure episode (Did anyone else just love this show?) Ed told the Native American shaman about his struggle with low self-esteem. “You know,” said the wise mentor to his protégé, “low self-esteem is the cause of nearly all the suffering in the world.”

This is SO true. How do you know if you have self esteem issues?

Do you have trouble saying “No?” It could be a self esteem issue, because you don’t value your time!

Do you have trouble asking for help? It could be a self esteem issue, because you don’t think you deserve help!

Do you set your prices too low? It could be a self esteem issue, because you don’t value your services!

Do you apologize for things that are not your fault? It could be a self esteem issue, because you’re really apologizing for who you are.

Do you have trouble committing to relationships or expressing affection? It could be a self esteem issue, because you don’t really believe that you are lovable.

Do you get super jealous? It could be a self esteem issue, because you don’t really think you could hold the interest of your partner.

Do you spend a lot of time comparing? It could be a self esteem issue, because you want a point of reference for how you see yourself?

Are you a perfectionist? It could be a self esteem issue, because you’re desperately seeking approval in ways that you know will never satisfy you.

There are so many subtle forms of self sabotage. Those of us with low self esteem, yes I’ve had my own life long battle with low self esteem, do things to confirm what we have grown to believe about ourselves over many years. It becomes a familiar, but false, comfort.

Of course you don’t realize that’s what you’re doing at the time. How could you? That sort of self awareness requires the ability to see yourself clearly, and this is the heart of the self esteem problem. You don’t even see yourself clearly in a mirror, let alone seeing the deeper goodness and value.

Once you have some self awareness, or more likely when you have moments of self awareness, you see what you’re doing. Then you stop looking for outside affirmation to prove you’re worthy or outside criticism to prove you’re not.

We can help to build each other’s self esteem, but we can’t control or manipulate it. Its a personal journey within.

Here are some things we CAN do to support each other;

We CAN point each other to what we see in the other person, and hope that they see it too. Hafiz said,

I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.

We can’t show people their light, but we can point to it, notice it and appreciate it until beauty becomes seen to the bolder.

We can’t tell people they’re special, because so is everyone else. If everyone’s special, the whole notion becomes meaningless. We CAN be specific. We can tell people what we specifically value about them. People are smart enough to see through vague and disingenuous praise. Be specific, and don’t lie.

Inaccurate praise is confusing. If you tell me I’m a good singer, I will learn not to trust my own instincts to never sing outside of the shower, and also that your praise is dishonest. Its far better to gently let me know not to give up my day job, and assure that I have other things going for me than singing.

If we only tell boys that they’ve got big muscles and only tell girls that they look pretty, we shouldn’t be surprised that they start to value those superficial things. And even if it’s true, these things fade so quickly. To help build self esteem, focus on more lasting qualities. Praise your kids for being empathetic and caring. Tell them you noticed how well they negotiated conflict. Focus on the sort of qualities that relate to the whole person, and not just one, changing achievement.

We get self esteem backwards when we think it has to do with how good you are at things. Self esteem is about knowing yourself honestly. Its about accepting (even appreciating) yourself as you are, faults, foibles and all. Its not about being perfect, its about being perfectly okay with who you are.

Self esteem that is built from the inside out, based on self acceptance, breeds resilience. We learn to keep going, even when voices inside and out are telling us to self destruct. Self esteem makes us strong for all the ups and downs of life’s journey, not just puffed up in short lived ego trips.